Ugh.

The students have pushed their way out of class and I feel utterly deflated, épuisé. The French word has the same root as "well" like, a water well. I am unwelled. All of my patience has been pulled out of me, bucket by bucket, poured over the heads of students talking out of turn, talking over me, carrying on side conversations in whispers.

I do not have control of this class. I do not have control of myself in this class. I have consistent thoughts of violence during this class. I feel like I've taught for 6 hours without a break after just 2 hours of this class.

I am not a good teacher on block Tuesdays. I am a teacher who scrambles around for 2 hours trying to get students to do work. I have tried to ignore the students who will not work, but they aren't quiet about not working. They are LOUD about not doing their work. They talk constantly. I feel infuriated the way they do not pay attention or stay focused on the job at hand.

So I have to remind myself when they walk out the door: I am a good French teacher. In my French classes, students work. In my French classes, students learn. Students have fun. Students produce good things on a consistent basis. Only 1 kid is failing in my French 1 class. No students are failing in my French 3 class. I am proud of what I do with my students in my French classes.

I am proud of the work that I put into my English classes, of the things I think of or find to do with the students. I am not proud of the results. I am embarrassed of the results. I don't want anyone to come and watch the results because it is such a train wreck.

Ugh.